A bit dark

So it is late on a Sunday night and I can not sleep. Why because I am trying to understand... I have been filled with complete pride, joy, excitement and wonder at the birth of my youngest sisters baby boy Noah Matthew. He is perfect and precious and glows of hope and future and delight. I also was so so extremely saddened that I the closest in mileage family member to the little family was unable to make it to the hospital at all when he was born or when my sister who I adore and feel like is mine was going through one of the most amazing events of her rock star life. Hours of labor to birth a healthy 8 lbs 6oz baby whew! I will meet him Tues and he will receive his own special blog.

This is where I am getting dark so turn on a light, this occasion was beautiful and then I lay here at night wondering, hurting from the bottom of my soul for many of my friends who are probably laying in bed awake like me at this very moment. I lay here thinking of a mom that sliced open her leg and how hard that must be to carry on, a divorce that is sure to affect in some way two very sweet girls, a family who has lost their sweet sweet mother and enjoyed a birthday celebration this weekend that unspoken but oh so present was the missing presence of a wonderful lady. The celebration itself of a very cute old man who has accomplished to stick it out in this crazy world for 90 years!!! was wonderful to be a part of! I think of families receiving diagnosis, fear of the swine flu, a new mom headed back to work, the many who have no work to go to and a. The loss of a friendship that I still can't figure out and the loss of another mother of a wonderful friend. I see pain, I feel pain and I lay here wondering, wanting, hoping, that I can do something to help, to love, to ease the pain but what. My arms are open and I am sorry so so sorry. So from this point on do I chose to remember the good things that are happening? Do I chose to say I have a wonderful husband and family like most all of these friends and that I am just glad that these friends are in my life to love on...is this what I say?